Secondhand Stress Kills

5 Tips for Managing Stress from Other People

A friend of mine once told me a story of the time he first had his lungs x-rayed. The doctor came back to him with a grim face and launched into a lecture about how he really ought to stop smoking. He was a young man, but his lungs were so scarred that if he kept it up, he was in danger of having severe complications with his pulmonary health.

My friend was shocked and confused. “I don’t smoke,” he protested.

“Well, your lungs tell a different story,” the doctor countered in disbelief.

Then it dawned on my friend: his father was a pack-a-day smoker. My friend had grown up in that environment of second-hand smoke, and his lungs had suffered the consequences.

Today, we understand the dangers of secondhand smoke and have laws in place protect the innocent from its harmful effects. However, in our hyper-connected world, we now have something else that comes at us second-hand that is more insidious and just as detrimental to our health as tobacco smoke: second-hand stress.

A mounting body of research now points to how the stress we feel is often mirrored by those around us, be they coworkers, family, friends, or even complete strangers.

This mimicking of other people’s stress levels happens because our brains are hardwired for emotional rapport and empathy. We are descended from ancient humans who survived deadly encounters by subconsciously recognizing negative verbal and non-verbal cues from others and taking countermeasures to protect themselves. But today, this ability does us more harm than good.

The adverse effects of second-hand stress are all around us, from open office plans that allow you to see everyone’s non-verbal stress communication, to stressed out people on public transit, to negative comments on the internet. These effects manifest in a variety of ways: feeling stressed out and not even knowing why; thoughts of pessimism or depression; struggling to think creatively, or a general sense of brain fog; rushing to get work done even when deadlines are days away; feeling exhausted all the time, and of course the myriad of physical health effects.

Luckily, there are ways to deflect and protect yourself from second-hand stress. The next time you notice yourself picking up someone else’s negative emotions, try a few of these techniques:

As the pace of our world and the amounts of stimulus we receive each day keep ramping, the opportunities to experience stress — directly and indirectly — steadily increase. But, unlike with second-hand smoke, there are no laws that will be able to shield us from second-hand stress; it’s up to us to protect ourselves. By becoming more aware of who and what triggers your stress response, and actively taking measures to insulate yourself from others’ stress, you may just notice yourself feeling more energetic, your mood improving, and your world brightening around you.

Take a moment this week to examine your work and home life. Are you experiencing second-hand stress from anyone you interact with? If so, how does it typically show up, and what signals can you watch for that will clue you in immediately when you are receiving stress from the person? Which of the above tips could you employ to reduce the harmful effects of mirroring or taking on that other person’s stress?

“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress, and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.” — George Burns

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