Did I make a mistake declining those offers?

That title sounds like a youtube channel were they do shit like name tags and cry on camera when their girlfriends or boyfriends leave them. Anyways back to the main story…

It is a Sunday night, I have an interview scheduled for the next day. My potential first freelancing gig where I can work from my house, sip my Magik Moment Vodka and eat slice bread while crunching excel data; wawu, what a life. Couple hours till the next morning, here is how events unfolded:

11:30 PM Sunday night: *intense paranoia* did I sign up for my interview slot? Did I confirm that I will be present for the interview scheduled to take place tomorrow?

Fucking hell, Temitope, now you are about to come across as unserious and unprofessional. For a person who is relatively pedantic and scrutinizes other people’s work, I wouldn’t hire myself.

11:45 PM: I have convinced myself that I signed up and I not that bad.

11:50 PM: Temitope, it is better to be safe than sorry, maybe just fill the form again and sign up twice. Send an email saying you are not sure what time you signed up. Indicate your interest in research and data analysis and stress the passion you have for the particular topic, if you combine this with the clear fact that you are forgetful and showing tiny signs of dyslexia they will overlook your errors.

11:56 PM: I made up my mind to stay up till 11:59 which was the deadline and sign up at exactly 11:59.

After my mini moment of panic, I decided to watch my shows. Check out “Locked up”, it is beautiful, it has Nairobi from Money Heist. Anyways, shows and sleep have been an escape to drown my paranoia.

I woke up the next morning ready for my interview at 10:00 AM. The recruiters had indicated I signed up twice and allocated me a slot, I am calm and life is happy. It’s 10 minutes to my interview, I have my laptop set, Skype is open and I have even sent a message to my interviewer. I am almost always calm with interviews, I just talk like I am talking to my best friend or my girlfriend but instead of saying babe and expressing how much I love my girlfriend. I wear a smile, talk like somebody with sense and express why your company needs a star like me and how I don’t really need you guys (JK,JK… nah I’m serious).

The skype call comes in, sometime in between when I am gassing myself up and smiling at how this is about to be interesting, I missed the call. At this point, I am as calm as a dove (Is dove what people say?). I call back and I realise, shit I can’t hear her. haha I am chilling and laughing in my head like nah just redial. We redial and do a back and forth of can you hear me? for 11 minutes, a bit of context, the interview is 15 minutes long. So with 4 minutes to go, it works and we are like to let us reschedule. Once we hang up the call, an unlimited amount of anxiety pours into my heart. What if this is a sign you should have accepted your offers? What if you fucked it up and now you cannot get that job? What if you are not good enough to secure freelancing gigs and travel anywhere?

At this point, I cannot be stressed one bit, so I put off my laptop and I go to bed. Sleep is a perfect escape yo. It’s amazing. I wake up 5 hours later and then gbam, I feel bad for being unproductive, I remember I ain’t shit and I messed up that interview and I remember I had vim to deny 2 offers. Kwasia (fool in Twi), I thought to myself. What did you think would happen I pondered as I strategised how to send an email to those companies and ask them to re-employ me. I spent the next hour updating my LinkedIn, editing my resume and working on a list of companies to reach out to.

At this point, I knew something was wrong, I closed all my devices and took a walk, I learnt a number of things:

I walked through it, got 2 messages from my absolute faves. My sister and My Mom. My mom said the worst that could happen is it fails and then you try something else next year. Just do it, don’t worry you are bigger than the problems.

My sister’s response below.

As the last message reads, I am about to go and sleep and continue the grind of trying out this thing.

Apologies for the potentially terrible writing. Remember there are no rules and have a nice!

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